Thursday, October 8, 2009

When Bf's Not Around

I feel missing again.
Feel down when boyfriend's not around.
Feel lost with no direction.

It's been almost 3 months since he left for Melbourne.
Sounds pretty short but I only saw him for a month after 9 months of being separated.
And now to endure another 2 months.
I feel so....short.

Short of love and attention.
Yesterday I sort of celebrated the Mid Autumn Festival in my campus.
I didn't really expect myself to dance in such open space.
It was a friend's birthday and I thought, why not.
Despite my pants felt like dropping when I was jumping.
Nevertheless, it was an experience though I didn't get the highest score. random and sequence-less this entry is.
My classes are canceled for the day and I have a job interview for my English class later.
Totally not prepared.

I think I'm writing this because I'm envious.
Green eyed monster on the strike.
I see couples everywhere.
Yesterday, today and everyday.
It doesn't feel good at all knowing you could be like them but you simply can't.

I woke up today and was greeted by the clear blue sky.
The glare from the sun shines directly into my window and I felt really good.
I camwhored for a moment before class.
It's been really long since I did that.
I even messaged Bf just to tell him that I miss him.

But those beautiful moments didn't last.
Those feelings were washed away when I was told that my classes are canceled.
I was eager to learn today.
I took my breakfast before heading to class and prepared for my class....only to be told that.

Less than a month before finals greet me.
Contemplating on lots of things.
I've always wished I could have him beside me all the time.
Dreams come true but wishes don't.

And now, the present, I should be working on my interview preparation.
Who am I to ask for more than what I've got now?
I should be thankful he talks to me (online or calls) everyday.
I should be grateful that he still loves me after almost 6 years.
I should look forward to the future and stop complaining.
I should count my blessings.

But I still feel missing.

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