Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Have you ever felt like no one in the world ever understands you?
You thought you have tried your best to let them know you.
But it just never seems enough.
I felt that way before.
In fact, it happened way back when I was still in secondary.

My friends told me that they think I wasn't expressive enough and I hide my feelings.
Hence explaining why I seldom talk much when in certain companies.
Words without substance.
No one will ever know how to interpret your words to feelings in that way I presume.

However, my secondary school life wasn't as bad.
I wouldn't say I enjoyed it as much as most people did in a way but at least, that was the time when I found him and began to know the importance of a relationship.
But it wasn't because of him that I did this entry for.
It was mainly because I felt that I haven't been appreciating my friends as much as I wanted to.
I guess I just do not know how to show it.

To my friends, who think they are the ones I'm talking about, I just wanna say, I apologize for not doing what a good friend should do.
I took the chances you gave me for granted and never once in my life I did not regret it.
It's heartbreaking to know when some people who are important to you start drifting away from your life.
And it makes you wonder why.
Sleepless nights, crying yourself to bed, talking about it to your closed ones.
Those do not seem enough to make you get over it.
And some wonder why I'm such a paranoid and melancholic person.
I wish I have a wider vocabulary to explain all that I feel inside.
I feel intimidated easily and I disgust that feeling.
I am still trying to make things right at this very point in my life.
Hopefully it's not too late.

And when it comes to the next chapter in my life, I tried again.
I just felt like I can never stop trying to make things right simply because I always do things the wrong way.
University life wasn't as easy as I thought.
To try to start over again by welcoming new friends into your life.
To never repeat the things you did in the past.
But the past just keeps haunting you because you still can't get over it.
And hence the downfall of the first part of my uni life.

As much as I love to make new friends, I struggled in doing it.
But it did not deter me from trying again because I regard friends as the second most important people in my life.
It was only in my second sem that I truly accept them in my life after much ups and downs.
Eventually their true colors will show and you get to know who your real friends are.

But I'm glad most of my uni friends are great people.
People who share, laugh and spend time together with you.
They make you feel like you are not as lonely as you thought.
The best part of my uni life was during my 21st birthday celebration.
I thought no one would even recall that it was my birthday that day till I realised my friend, Hui Juan showed some weird acts by asking me to go down to the cafeteria for dinner at 4 pm.
And I began to wonder why there were so many of my coursemates at the cafeteria as well.
And thanks to the mastermind of the event, Ivan, and also friends who were there, I had an unforgettable 21st birthday.

But my uni blessing did not just stop there for I have awesome roommates throughout the semesters.
It started with Puay Hoon who was also in the same year as myself and 2 Third Year seniors.
Puay Hoon was one of the friendliest person I knew in my uni.
We can practically talk the whole day if it wasn't for the time constraint.
She's not only awesome, she's smart as well! :)

With Puay Hoon. Gosh. I looked dead.

And the room seniors who were always there when we needed to ask questions on some subjects.
Awesome-ness. again.

With Angeline. Isn't she KAWAII?

With Jinny. She can be a genie in bottle with her sweetness. Erm. Nevermind. HAHA.

As for this sem, I was with another 3 different hungry monsters.
They are the roomies who make me eat like, alot.
Consisting of Ping Ping, Woei Jing, Tzy Theng and myself.
I'm blessed again because they are really funny and AWESOME people.
I know, I used the word a-w-e-s-o-m-e like a gazillion times but I like the word somehow. :)
I did not manage to snap any pictures with them but hopefully I'll be able to next year since it's almost the end of the semester now and everyone's heading home except for Woei Jing and I. :((

I need to stop now.
Need to stop negelcting my studies for blogging.
And just before I end this entry, I hope my friends will be able to know me better through my blog because obviously blog is where my inner feelings are shown.


Oh, and have you watched Mamma Mia? AWESOME! :)

1 comment:

Hui Juan said... my name eh...hihi..your brain like very big lo..can still remember so many things...really admire you lo....
because of u,i go sign up leave u a comment lo...touching ma?
miss u here

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